What a difference a day makes

The view from my balcony on Sunday:


The view from my balcony on Monday:


Ok, I know I'm the worst blogger in the world, because I haven't been, um, blogging. I wish I could say I've been too busy, but with all the national coverage this snowstorm in nyc has been getting you'd probably figure out that's not true. I've been holed up in my apartment for 3 days, working from home. I only left to drop off drycleaning, which was only across the street, and even that took about 10 minutes just to cross the crazy mountains of snow outside.

So things have been good. My parents included Chris on our family's Christmas card, which was unexpected to say the least. I didn't get to go home for the holidays because I was working, and flights were crazy expensive (and it's just as well that I didn't because I'd probably be stuck in a layover in Denver right now). I did get to skype with them, but it wasn't quite the same- I think I'll try to go back and visit early next year.

Chris and I have been cooking a ton. Mostly cold weather stuff.

He gave me a better Christmas gift than I gave him. Argh.

The thing is, with gay couples that live together, I'm pretty sure that both people get the same amount of use out of any gift item. Example, last year I gave him a North Face jacket that I wear all the time too. He got me a cast iron dutch oven that we both use to cook (and is amazing, for anyone who is debating getting one).

Sorry this post is so late and so boring. I'm really thinking of changing up this blog, maybe freezing this one and moving to tumblr or some new format just to change it up a little... I really loved this format, but I don't feel like I'm in the same place that I was 2 years ago when I started it, and maybe it's time for something completely different...

California Gurls

WeHo

On my last trip to california, I got to hang out in LA for a few days, and I met up with prolific gay asian blogger letopho! We took two pics together, and though I thought the one above looked better, I'm including the second one:

because you can see the gogo boy's crack, and it looks like there's some strange going down in the photobooth.

Weddings

I also met up with a friend who moved from NY to LA with his bf of 10 years, and they are one of those couples just waiting for gay marriage to be legalized in California now. For their sake I hope it's soon. We ended up talking a lot about gay marriage conventions, which were all new to me since I have never been to one. Topics were things like:

• He said both grooms are supposed to wear white? That sounds awful.
• I asked, who do you dance with? Your mom or your dad?
• Do you have groomsmen or bridesmaids or both?

Obviously the answer is "whatever you want", but it's fun to talk about.

Neither of us had been to a gay wedding, but our friend had been to a lesbian wedding and said they retained most of the traditional elements, except for things like a bouquet toss.

Also, on a somewhat related note, a female friend of mine has asked me to be a "bridesman" at a wedding next year. Is that a thing? Oh well I'll let you know how that goes.

Ghey

So one thing that kind of shocked me in California, and maybe this is just a weird sampling, but I heard 3 grown adults, completely educated, and otherwise non-homophobic people say "That's gay" in conversation. I really can't remember the last time that I heard anyone over college-age in NYC say that. Is that actually ok to say in California, or maybe are people in NY just better at censoring themselves around me?

In one case, a girl said it, and immediately corrected herself awkwardly, unfortunately with "I mean, retarded". /facepalm.

In another case, my friend's ex said it, and she immediately challenged him on it (which I'm glad she did, because it would have been awkward if I had done it, as I barely knew him and he was giving us rides all over town), and he got a little defensive about it.

I'm not super-soapboxy about it, but I more surprised to hear it at all, more than anything else.

It's Getting Better All The Time

You have to be living under a rock to not have heard about one of the many recent tragic gay suicides that have been in the news so often lately. The story is so templatized by now that it is really scary- high school or college boy gets bullied to the point of suicide. Dan Savage has encouraged people to record video messages to these youths- in his "It Gets Better" project. But damn it, Jim, I'm a blogger, not a videographer.

Anyone reading this blog has probably experienced gay bullying of some kind. In my case, it was one of the forces that probably kept me in the closet so long; I dated girls in High School because it was the easiest way to dodge accusations-- and that lie got carried out through college and into my adult life. I attended a rigorously academic private school, and even there, anyone who even had rumors about their sexuality became socially stigmatized to near ostracism. By the time I was at college, even at a much more accepting place, I had internalized so much of that fear and self-loathing that I just kept it up. And the rest... well, read the blog.

I know I'm not the most prolific writer out there, but I do hope that this is getting read by people out there that are in the same boat, and are looking for positive examples for people living a normal, actualized life and living without fear. Whether you're in high school, college, or even if you're like I was- a desperately unhappy 28-year old who was trying to figure out how to undo a lifetime of second-guessing, I hope that I am living proof that it does get better.
So after all that, here are my updates. Despite my proclamation of not attending straight weddings in California, I'm still attending a crazy number of weddings in California (photobooth from the most recent one pictured here). Sigh. I make up for compromising my personal politics by eating a lot of tasty hors d'œuvres.

My parents have come around really well- in fact, as I am typing this, they are sleeping in the guest room at Chris and my apartment. They're visiting for the weekend, and it's actually been really great with them. I have also heard through the grapevine that they're much more comfortable telling their old friends about me. And hey, if 60 year old Chinese immigrant parents can proudly tell their friends their son is gay... it's got to be getting better, right?

Coast to Coast

Haven't posted in a while, just thought I'd drop a note. Just been crazy busy this summer. For all my bravado earlier, I wasn't able to say no to any of the straight weddings I've been invited to, so as a result I'm on my 3rd cali trip this year, with 2 more to go! It's fun, but getting expensive and exhausting! Thank god for in-flight wi-fi.

I haven't taken Chris to any of the family weddings yet, even though he was invited, just because I'm not sure if it's the right time. He's met all my cousins and some of my aunts and uncle's individually, but something about introducing him to the big collective all at once does seem a little daunting. I don't even think this is a gay thing anymore, I think I'm just in long term relationship waters I've never really been in before, and I think probably everyone deals with this. Not in a big rush though, I figure I'll introduce him to the big family when it feels right.

Yesterday at the wedding reception at a big table with my cousins, the inevitable topic of "so, who's next?" came up. A lot of people looked at me suggestively and my cousin asked if that was in our future, but I just shoved more cake in my mouth. Not ready for that one yet. And cake is really good.

New Hood, New Gym

New Hood!

So when Chris and I moved in together, we actually moved into a new neighborhood. I'm now in the East Village. That means that pretty much everything about this blog is outdated now. I'm no longer in Chelsea; I don't feel like such a noob anymore; I'm out; and I'm already 30. I guess I should update the sidebar at some point but I'm lazy.

New Gym!

So I recently joined a new gym too, David Barton. For those of you who don't know David Barton, they have clients like Anderson Cooper and ads like this:
Did I mention their motto is "Look Good Naked"?

Basically they blatantly cater to the gay clientele. These are the only yoga classes you'll ever see that are 12 guys and 1 girl. It's pretty hilarious. But the gym is really nice, and the yoga instructors and most of the gym bunnies are nice eye candy. I know it's shallow, but I like going to gyms with pretty men in them. For one thing, you get motivated when you see someone with really nice arms or something, and also it gives you something to look at so you don't get bored.
So I've been trying to go to yoga twice a week, and also some of the group fitness classes. These are kind of like indoor boot camp classes. I did one a few weeks ago called "Guns" that was just really intense interval training with dumbell arm workouts. This past weekend I did one called "Rope Burn" that was a jumprope class with interval workouts; that one kicked my ass. It still hurts to go down stairs. I still made it to my yoga class, but it was pain.

I feel like i'm making huge progress though! Maybe its the lighting in the yoga studio, but my arms look huge doing some of the poses. I'm also SOOO close to being able to do a forearm stand. I really think I'm gonna get it within the next two weeks if I can stick with it.

The goal of course, is to go back to the nude beach looking my best. "Look Good Naked" indeed.

Dream Lover

So I had a dream last night that a Sean Cody model was hitting on me. Specifically, this Sean Cody Model:This is what happens when you watch a lot of porn right before bed, I guess. I remember distinctly in my dream that he wanted to make out with me, and I had to say "No, sorry, I have a boyfriend."

I woke up a bit later and was like... WAIT, that was a dream? AUGH! I tried to go back to sleep but you can never continue like that. Sad times. That could have been one for the ages.

I told Chris in the morning, and he just laughed. For the record, he clarified that dream-hookups are fine. So... Mr. Sandman, if you're reading this blog, bring me a dream Jamie again, some time soon, k?

Castro!

Hehe, at the suggestions of some friends, I checked out some bars in the Castro tonight on my last night here in SF.

I went to Q bar, which was having Ladies Night, which was appropriate because I was meeting 3 girls there, and they actually got some kind of drink special which was a good way to start the evening. We left when the cute barback took our table away, and the music got too loud to talk.

We went to Toad Hall, but it was kinda dead. Our friends chatted up the bartender who they knew and was kinda flirty with me, but it wasn't worth staying at, so we moved on.

We ended up at Badlands, where we were trying to find their friend a "Pocket Gay" (from what I can tell, this is a twink, just with a better name), and we danced the rest of the night away. Now I have to get up in 5 hours for a conference call. Ugh, now I remember why I hated being single and going out on weekdays before. I'm old.

Visiting SF!

I took this picture as I was walking through the Castro today, but honestly I haven't had a chance to go to any of the places that have been recommended to me (thanks letopho!). Between work, catching up with friends, and family functions, I've been swamped!

I have to say I do love how cruise-y SF is. You definitely get this vibe when guys are looking you over more in this city than in NY. I'm not looking, but it's still flattering :). I'd like to think it might be because I've been working out more recently (probably gonna post more on that later).

Hoping to check out some gay bars, maybe go-go bars, before I leave?

Baths!

I'm in San Fran for a week, for a wedding and then cause my brother just had another kid. So after a day of running around the park with my other nephew, my back was killing me. I decided to get a massage. I tried out this place called "Kabuki Springs" in Japantown, mostly because I was intrigued by their communal baths. I had done these in Japan, actually, but this was a little different.

Now, certain days are single-sex, and entirely clothing optional. It's not seedy like a gay bathhouse (although I would estimate that 90% or more of the people there are gay) (and... I totally have been to a seedy gay bathhouse before- story for another time), as there are attendants and a strict no-sex policy. But I do have to say that I did really kind of dig the voyeuristic aspect of the whole thing. For the most part, the guys there were actually really hot.

Oh the massage was nice too :/

What's the Situasian?

So apparently they're shopping around an Asian version of "Jersey Shore". Ok, stop right there, the idea is stupid. BUT, there's a ridiculously hot guy on it. Peter Le.





Gawker calls him "The Asian Situation". Disgrasian calls him "The Situasian", which is even better.

This guy looks amazing. I could work out for years and stop drinking soda and eating food, and I would not look like that. But fuck it, right? He's hot.

Pride!

So last year I was indisposed so this was the first year I could really attend pride events, like the parade. It was awesome!

Broadway Bares

So as a sharp-eyed commenter noticed, I was in the audience of Broadway Bares XX, which was HOT! I thought it would be cheesy and show-tuney, and while there was some of that, it was basically the best strip show I've ever been to. If you ever get the chance, I HIGHLY recommend it. I didn't take any pics cause I was shy, but tons of people did.

James Beard Gay Soiree

So I'm also a bit of a foodie, and the James Beard house has an annual cocktail party celebrating gay chefs throughout the city. It was Saturday, the day before pride, and the food was unbelievably good.

My favorite were the cupcakes served by this amazing drag queen, Chocolatina.


She was about seven feet tall.

PARADE!

So I didn't get to attend the parade last year due to a slightly embarassing conflict (go back in the archives if you have to know), but I went this year and it was AWESOME!










And some of the schwag from the parade handouts:


Happy Pride everyone!

Happy Pride!!!

So excited for pride this year!

Been going to some related events already.

Poconos

So for memorial day our friends organized a rafting trip in the poconos. I was apprehensive, but it ended up being awesome.

Europe

So I mentioned Amsterdam and Belgium, but the good pics are on my friend's camera, and she's still in Europe, so this is one of mine.

Mermaid Parade

So the coney island mermaid parade is not gay-related by definition, but there's definitely alot of queer interest, so it is pretty fun, and seems related to Pride somehow. Chris and I made it out there with some friends and it was super fun.


I want one of these bikes!

Pride Weekend

For pride weekend, we have a lot planned already. We're going to see the soccer game tomorrow, and then we're going to this dinner being thrown that features a lot of notable gay chefs from high-profile restaurants in NYC. Sunday we're going to meet some friends for brunch and watch the parade, and we're doing a BBQ afterwards back at our new place!

Gym

In other news, I've been getting back into working out after moving to the new 'hood and finding a new gym. I'm kind of liking my new one. I'm trying to go at least 4 times a week, 2 of those times being yoga classes. We'll see how it goes...

Happy Pride everyone!

What comment setting to use?

Back from Amsterdam and Belgium! The pics are on my friend's camera but I'll find a good one for you guys soon.

In the meantime, what setting do you other bloggers use to avoid all the crazy linkspam? I thought by forcing it to be registered users it would be fine, but it doesn't seem to be working. Should I go down to just Google Accounts?


Bleh, Cleaning up all this spam sucks.

Vacay!

With the stress of the move behind us, we're going on vacation!

Anyone got any recommendations for Amsterdam/Belgium?

Domesticity and stuff and stuff

Domesticity Update

Chris moved his stuff in last week! We've been living together for about 2 weeks, really, and we had our first party here on Memorial day and it was a total success!

I told my Dad and he didn't sound super thrilled actually, but whatever, I'll let them be. Haven't talked to my Mom directly about it yet.

My new favorite thing

So this is a conversation I've had about 3 times in the past month.

Friend: Wow you guys are moving in!
Me: Yep.
Friend: That's huge! Moving in is like, the gay equivalent of getting married!
Me: [straight face] I would hope that getting married is the gay equivalent of getting married.
Friend: [liberal guilt for the rest of their life].

Hehe. I know, I'm bad.

Speaking of weddings

I have like 7 weddings to go to this year, most in California. It's costing me a fortune in plane tickets, hotels, and gifts. The monetary hit wouldn't feel quite so sharp if it wasn't all in support of such a shamelessly unequal institution. I know this all sounds a little tired, but there it is. So I think starting in 2011, I'm going to be up front with my friends and family and let them know that I just am not going to attend any weddings in states that don't allow gay marriage. I dunno if i'll be able to commit to this for real, but we'll see.

Oh yeah

Anyone have any recommendations on how to stop the ridiculous comment spam? I even turned on the captcha thing and I still get flooded with it.

Movin' right along in search of good times and good news

We move in next Saturday! Apartment is picked, lease is signed! The place is really sweet, by manhattan standards. Huge, usable kitchen, top floor of an elevator building so no street noise or stomping neighbors above you, new appliances, outdoor space (!), washer/dryer unit IN the apartment (!). Even with all that, the two of us will be paying less combined rent than we did before which is great. It doesn't seem so great right this second when I just had to shell out a 2 month deposit, and I still haven't gotten the deposit from my old apartment back, but it will be really great. I may post a picture once we get the whole place set up, although with the 2 of us moving in, and having to decide who is keeping what, that may be a while.

I met Chris's Mom and aunt yesterday and they are both amazing- I think things are better with my parents too, but I haven't had a chance to tell them about our moving in yet. They have been great about stuff recently, but I never know when I have big announcements like this.

Anyway, that's what's up with me. I dunno what's going on with all these chinese spam commenters.

Start your Engines!

I'm super obsessed with RuPaul's drag race this season. I think I'm going to have a big viewing party for the Finale next Monday!

My favorite by far is Jujubee, the token Asian. I wasn't that big a fan to tell the truth, as she did this "bowing" thing on the runway that I was taken aback by, but she won me over with her killer reading skills a few episodes back.

So I thought I'd try out this tool http://www.dragulator.com/, promoted by the site. Here's what I came up with:


I may have missed my calling. So I need some help coming up with a drag name, y'all!

[UPDATE: OH! And I forgot to give you guys an update on how the meet and greet with the parents went. It went great! My parents have totally come around. They brought Chris a box of chocolates, and after dinner the second night, my Mom gave Chris a hug! I was super impressed with them (although I'm pretty sure my sister called them up and yelled at them to get them to behave). However it happened, it was amazing, and I'm really happy that they've come around and are still a big part of my life. I'm gonna meet Chris's Mom some time next month]

Updates on everything

Been super busy with work, and friends visiting, and planning the move and everything. Quick update hit-and-run:

• Picked the charities to donate to! I picked HRC and the Empire State Pride Agenda! One cool tool I found when doing this is Charity Navigator, which offers some metrics on how efficiently some charities are run, and suggests similar charities based on their focus.
• Chris and I are gonna start looking for places soon! Eep, I gotta start packing, and selling a ton of crap I can't bring myself to move again. I have like 4 boxes of old comic books that really should just not be taking up space in my new apartment.
• So my parents are coming in 2 weeks, and I decided to give them the option of whether or not they wanted to meet Chris this visit, and they actually sounded pretty open to the idea! I definitely did NOT mention that we were talking about moving in yet, and I think I'll probably tell them way later, depending on how well the in-person meeting goes.

So that's what's going on with me. Aight, I have to get caught up on my blogs. And my porn.

Happy Gayversary!

Well, I'm actually a little late on this, but I thought I'd like to thank you all for coming to celebrate my gayversary. My first "coming out speech" was just over a year ago, at the beginning of February last year. What a long, strange, trip it has been.

I've managed to come out to pretty much all of my close family members. There are a few family members that just haven't been easy to contact logistically. I have 2 cousins in Australia that I've always felt close to, but I have had trouble finding convenient times to call, and calling someone out of the blue to come out seems so forced, although I guess I did that a lot. I have also heard, and this is completely not based on my experiences with my cousins, that Australians are in generally more socially conservative? I have never broached this subject with them, and I just don't want to trip some kind of cultural minefield.

In relationship news, I spent the first 3 months of my gay life being a big whore :), and then I met Chris and suddenly became a relationship gay. To be honest, looking back on it, I really probably thought I would be single for over a year, and date more, but I really don't regret any of it. I am really happy in my relationship right now.

Which... brings us to the newest piece of news... Chris and I are going to move in together! We're going to start looking at places when my lease is up in June. I'm so excited! He basically already spends every day at my apartment anyway, and it would be economical and practical, but MORE than that, I CANNOT WAIT to live with him! Ugh, now I'm getting all gushy. Still, it is exciting building a life with someone in a way that, 2 years ago, I had completely blocked myself off to.

The only snag is he still hasn't met my parents. I really think my parents will flip out if I move in with someone they've never met (but to be honest... they're going to flip out anyway, right?). Ugh, I need some advice on how to handle this one.

Holidays and Charity

So the past two weeks were a blast. My friends cooked a big Chinese New Year feast last week and it was amazing. I won a hundred bucks in my superbowl pool. My sister came to town and I finally saw Wicked. And I probably had about the best valentine's day ever.

So things are going pretty good for me personally. It's also the time of year that my company does charity matching, and since everything's so good for me, I really want to give something back and donate to a charity that is important. I have already donated to a few causes this year. Haiti, a lymphoma society that my friends are running a triathalon for. However, for this, since it's matched and ostensibly from my company, I kind of feel like I should donate to a high profile LGBT advocacy group. I don't really know many. The only ones I know of are GLAAD and Marriage Equality USA. Between the two, I'm kind of inclined to go with Marriage Equality, but are there any other high profile, worthwhile gay advocacy groups I should consider?

Big hugz

Big hugz to Steve over at Lions, Tigers, and Science Oh My who just came out to his Mom and it didn't go so great.

When I was home over Christmas, there were moments where I felt like things maybe were ok with my Mom and Dad. They clearly were making some attempts to stay involved with my life, but I didn't know how much they wanted to know. Eventually they did ask a few questions about my bf; like where he's from, and what he does for a living (I didn't mention the unemployment, cause... that would not have made him very popular). I really hope it goes ok when I finally introduce him in person, but I should keep my expectations realistic.

I do think I still have a lot of disappointment and a little anger that my parents (my Mom in particular) didn't take my coming out very well, and in general made it all about her. Like I said to Steve, I think one of the hardest parts of growing up is realizing that your parents are imperfect, and that you can only expect so much of them before you get disappointed. My parents will never be the super-supportive PFLAG parents or anything, and if they're actually working hard to accept me for who I am, I have to be able to do the same and accept their slowness to accept change as well.

Anyway, good luck Steve, please keep us updated.

Home with friends

I know, I know. Bad blogger.

So I'm up super early on a Saturday because the couple above me had a kid 2 years ago, and now he starts running around at 8am on hardwood floors. Great alarm clock on weekdays. Horrible inconvenience on weekends when you want to sleep off about 4 bottles of wine. Chris and I cooked Steak and Brussels Sprouts for some friends who came over and we watched Project Runway and some other shows. It kind of felt super adult, in some ways, but it was really fun.

We've been doing a good job of keeping up with my one New Year's resolution, which was to save money and cook more. Chris is a really good cook, and it's really fun to plan and execute a meal.

One of my friends visiting said I was "nesting". Ugh, breeders. ;)

Happy (Belated) New Year

Just wanted to drop a belated New Year wish to everyone! I haven't been blogging at all cause I've been traveling to California, and I did a road trip with my cousins to Vegas for the past weekend!

Vegas was awesome. I went with 16 cousins (including some spouses) and this is the side that I'm fully out to. We always have a good time, and it was even more special to me because it was the first time I'd hung out with everyone in a group setting since coming out to them individually. I know it gets old cause I keep noting on it, but it's really great how nothing has changed with the relationships that were really important to me, other than that I am closer to them, and no longer lying to them. I can't express enough how much better I feel when I talk to them,

Now I'm in San Diego staying with some of them. Looking forward to eating a lot of good food down here, and doing a day trip to LA probably. Woo!