Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Weekend fun

So in a short interlude from my dating puzzlements... I'm going to Fire Island this weekend! A good friend of mine booked rooms at a B&B in the Pines (the gay section of Fire Island) and we know people staying in houses and bungalows there that are having parties and it should be SUPER fun.

I've never gone before but the descriptions I've gotten make it sound like something in between a 24x7 outdoor gay beach party and an organized orgy. In either case, I am super excited to go. I don't leave til Friday but I've already started packing swimwear and condoms lol. I don't even know what the weather is going to be like, but I don't think it will actually matter that much.

So excited!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Long Weekend Update

This post is so long it needs big bold headers!

Lest you think this blog has turned purely into the erectile dysfunction daily, I am remembering my roots a little bit and catching you guys up on some of the other events in my life.

Visiting family
So i've pretty much come out to all the cousins on my mom's side and they've been super cool. One of my older cousins was visiting this weekend with her husband and we met up with my other cousin that lives in New York and we all had an awesome time going out to some new restaurants and bars. We talked a little about my experiences coming out to the other cousins and if I was ever going to come out to the older generation, but for the most part we just had a great time hanging out with each other which was what it was all about.

Coming out
Other than the cousins, I also got a last minute call from an old high school friend who was visiting town for a wedding and wanted to get a bunch of our old friends together for lunch on Sunday. So, that was an opportunity to come out to all them. Again, pretty normal- all my friends are liberal and live in big cities so there aren't really any surprises there.

Fourth Date
So the last bit of info is I did have my fourth date with PokerFace last night, and I spent the night at his place for the first time. So, he said he still wasn't ready to try fucking me again, so I was a little disappointed, but we still had a lot of fun. Still, I'm not sure where it's going. I ended up mentioning my Fire Island trip to him, and I really don't know what that's going to entail or not.

The main thing is that, four dates, plus being a really good friend of a really good friend makes it a little complicated... I definitely feel like it would be bad to keep stringing him along if I'm not that into him, but it's hard for me to separate the sex stuff out from everything else. I like hanging out with him... but I really don't know if I want more than that right now.

Bleh. Anyway, I'm looking forward to my upcoming little trip. Among other things, between starting yoga and training for the half marathon, I'm in awesome shape and I'm looking forward to showing off a little on the beach :P

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Why I am not a top

The comments on my last post kind of got me thinking. I have topped a guy just once and I was terrible at it. I lasted about 30 seconds before I blew my load.

When it comes down to it, the expectations of a top are much higher. A top has to get it up, stay hard, perform right, for long enough (but not too long!). A bottom just has to have a clean ass, which is easier.

I guess I also just like someone to take charge.

Friday, May 22, 2009


Happened again. I told him it's not a big deal and it's not- I really just want him to not be so nervous and we can just take things in time. He was just so nervous and sweaty on top of me. It was a little gross. Still, we ended up blowing each other, showering, cuddling and watching TV which was fun. I just don't know how long this can go on.

It's hard for me to separate my frustration with the physical problems from my other issues which is just I don't know if I should be in a relationship now. I think we're going to go out on another date on Sunday, and this time we're going over to his place- so maybe he'll be more relaxed?

I also have a trip to fire island planned with some friends next weekend. I really have no idea what to expect, but I'm looking forward to it. From what I've heard it's just a 24x7 outdoor gay party. I haven't told PokerFace... I don't think I'm gonna.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

3rd Date

3rd date is tonight. I'm really looking forward to seeing him, even after all that! I've just been out of commission being sick and out of town and everything. I just want to make out with a dude, yknow?

I think maybe in past dates I've been a little too pushy and tried to force stuff to happen. I'm just gonna let things go where they go this time, I guess...

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


So I'm just getting over my cold today, and I ended up having to cancel my date with PokerFace tonight... Even though I'm feeling better now, my throat is still really sore and I'm probably communicable still and I just don't think it would be any fun. I'm gone this weekend, so our tentative plans are to talk on Monday and maybe hang out next Tuesday or Wednesday. So maybe this cold came at the right time... I kind of got what I wanted in that we slowed down a little bit.

It's cool, I just got Netflix instant play set up which was the only thing keeping me sane since I was sick all weekend. I fucking love Weeds.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Mixed bag

So I had my second date with PokerFace last night- we went to this new pizza place that was really fun and kind of trendy. We came back to my place and I had kind of already determined that I wanted to get fucked that night. We made out for a while and it was a lot of fun.

I know this post is sounding kind of negative, but that's also cause today at work I started getting a sore throat and coughing a lot. Basically in addition to all that, I'm pretty sure that I got a cold from him... I know that's not totally fair but I'm stuck in bed now drinking fluids and chicken soup when the weather is really nice out and I don't need to be fair.

And man, I was really looking forward to getting fucked last night :/

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Speaking of which...

After I gave the boy his code name, on some other blog I saw this awesome homage to Lady Gaga's Poker Face. It starts out pretty amazing, but around 3 minutes it reaches truly sublime levels. I'll let you enjoy this for yourselves:

The Rules

Letopho has post starting off on why some guys like straight guys, but it turns into an analysis of the rules we set up for ourselves and why we choose to break them. It's kind of like how you can make all these rules and assumptions for yourself, but when the right guy comes along nothing else really matters.

I was at a bar for cinco de mayo talking to my friend Alex and I found myself a little out of sorts. The thing about this new guy (I need to give him a name, and I've decided it will be "PokerFace")- the thing about PokerFace is he is super sweet. I get the feeling when I talk to him that he is in this for a relationship. As cool as that is, am I ready for a relationship? I just came out 4 months ago and I was just starting to have fun in the gay scene. While the one night stands were not really my thing, I was looking forward to going to Fire Island as a single guy, seeing New York in the summer as a single gay guy, and just having fun with my friends.

Then I remembered we've only gone on one date and I need to chill the fuck out and just enjoy life as it comes. We went to B Bar and had an awesome time. Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone!

Monday, May 4, 2009

Post-date report

So the date went really well! Maybe too well, lol. We'll see.

So we went and saw the movie last night- first things first, the Wolverine movie really sucked (major waste of hot actors). Still, it was just a pretext to go out with this guy and get dinner so for that reason, it's the best movie ever! After the movie, we got some thai food, and again, he just was super nice and cute. The other thing is I found even more things we have in common, like we play the same video games, and it was a little weird almost- like I don't want to date a carbon copy of myself, but at the same time it was also cool to just have so much in common with another guy.

Dinner was really good too, and during the meal we were talking about all these other places (he was suggesting places in Brooklyn and I was suggesting places in Manhattan), and at one point it was weird cause it kind of seemed like we were both shopping places for future dates. Maybe I was reading too much into it, heh. He paid for dinner cause I got the movie tickets, and I protested a bit cause dinner was so much more than the movie, so I said I'd buy drinks at the bar.

So we were in Chelsea, so I joked "I'm sure there's gotta be a place around here where two guys can grab a beer"-- god I'm a cheesy dork on dates. We ended up at G Lounge (I know I know, I go there too often)-

OK wait, I just realized I don't think I ever mentioned one important thing about this guy. So by some strange twist, this guy is actually the first guy I ever kissed. I know it doesn't make sense. I actually mentioned him once in passing already. Basically, the same friend who we met through last week had a party about 3 years ago, and there was a spin the bottle game in which straight girls and guys had already kissed, so when it was my turn to spin the bottle, I got this guy (who was already out), and I had to go through with it and kiss him and pretend I didn't like it and heh. It's cool, we've talked about it since then, and it was one of the icebreakers for us when we first started talking again last week or so.

OK so back to the date- we're at G having a good time drinking beers and sitting on a couch talking, and I'm kind of giddy and feeling a little silly so I chug my beer really fast and he gives me a strange look, and I give him a "hold on" sign. When I'm done with my beer I set the bottle down on the table on it's side, pointing at him, and I kind of smirk and ask him if it brings back any memories (I told you I'm a total cheeseball). He smiles and says "do you want me to kiss you"? So we end up making out at G lounge and it is really hot. I think we both have just been looking forward to this for too long. Then the moment of truth comes, and he asks me if we should go somewhere more private. Of course I am thinking of all your guys' advice but I just decided to live in the moment and I invited him back to my place (I made it pretty clear that I didn't want to go "all the way" though-- geez why do I use the euphemisms of a high school girl?). We make out on my bed for a while and it's pretty good and we end up sucking each other off and it is just really hot. Afterwards we cuddled for like an hour. I was kind of disappointed that he couldn't spend the night but he has work tomorrow, and admittedly, he does live kind of far from me so his morning commute would have been a nightmare.

So, that's pretty much it. I wasn't as chaste as I had hoped, but I had a really good time on my first date, and we have tentative plans to go out again on Thursday. I thought a little more about the waiting, and I rationalized hooking up on our first date by the fact that we've met up a few times in group settings that were... date-like, and it has been built up for both of us so much that it would have just been really frustrating to not hook up, but I kind of understand the waiting thing too now. I kind of would like to have him accept a second date without expecting a hookup, so I know he's really into me, but to be honest, after the first 3 hours of the date and the other times, I'm pretty confident that he is. Also, it's not like I gave away everything... that's for next weekend lol. Short story is I had fun and I'm looking forward to seeing him again.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Date night!

So he called me and we talked for a while yesterday just really quick to figure out the details for the movie tonight, and dinner afterwards. I wish we could have talked more but I have friends who I was meeting for brunch, so I had to go. Still, I think tonight will be really fun.

And as per the advice on the last post, I don't think I'm going to take him home... but if that's the case, why have I spent the last hour cleaning my apartment...

Friday, May 1, 2009


So I went to my friend's party tonight and the guy was there, and at first we didn't get to talk much cause there were so many people around, but once it thinned out I got to sit next to him and we talked a lot and it was really cool.

He's a computer geek, like me, and we like the same stuff like comic books and sci-fi, and everything, but most importantly, he is SUPER sweet. Like the sweetest guy I've ever met. First of all, there were two other people named "Will" at the party, and I like to joke about how I I like to be the only "Will", and he said "don't worry, you're the only Will I want to talk to tonight". When he said it, I was just kind of speechless, and so I just kind of smiled and toasted him with my beer.

We made tentative plans to see a movie or something on Sunday and I gave him my number. I am gonna try hard not to be too slutty, but we'll see heh.

I really like him :D. OK now I feel like a 15 year old girl writing in her diary so I should go to bed now.