California Gurls

WeHo

On my last trip to california, I got to hang out in LA for a few days, and I met up with prolific gay asian blogger letopho! We took two pics together, and though I thought the one above looked better, I'm including the second one:

because you can see the gogo boy's crack, and it looks like there's some strange going down in the photobooth.

Weddings

I also met up with a friend who moved from NY to LA with his bf of 10 years, and they are one of those couples just waiting for gay marriage to be legalized in California now. For their sake I hope it's soon. We ended up talking a lot about gay marriage conventions, which were all new to me since I have never been to one. Topics were things like:

• He said both grooms are supposed to wear white? That sounds awful.
• I asked, who do you dance with? Your mom or your dad?
• Do you have groomsmen or bridesmaids or both?

Obviously the answer is "whatever you want", but it's fun to talk about.

Neither of us had been to a gay wedding, but our friend had been to a lesbian wedding and said they retained most of the traditional elements, except for things like a bouquet toss.

Also, on a somewhat related note, a female friend of mine has asked me to be a "bridesman" at a wedding next year. Is that a thing? Oh well I'll let you know how that goes.

Ghey

So one thing that kind of shocked me in California, and maybe this is just a weird sampling, but I heard 3 grown adults, completely educated, and otherwise non-homophobic people say "That's gay" in conversation. I really can't remember the last time that I heard anyone over college-age in NYC say that. Is that actually ok to say in California, or maybe are people in NY just better at censoring themselves around me?

In one case, a girl said it, and immediately corrected herself awkwardly, unfortunately with "I mean, retarded". /facepalm.

In another case, my friend's ex said it, and she immediately challenged him on it (which I'm glad she did, because it would have been awkward if I had done it, as I barely knew him and he was giving us rides all over town), and he got a little defensive about it.

I'm not super-soapboxy about it, but I more surprised to hear it at all, more than anything else.

It's Getting Better All The Time

You have to be living under a rock to not have heard about one of the many recent tragic gay suicides that have been in the news so often lately. The story is so templatized by now that it is really scary- high school or college boy gets bullied to the point of suicide. Dan Savage has encouraged people to record video messages to these youths- in his "It Gets Better" project. But damn it, Jim, I'm a blogger, not a videographer.

Anyone reading this blog has probably experienced gay bullying of some kind. In my case, it was one of the forces that probably kept me in the closet so long; I dated girls in High School because it was the easiest way to dodge accusations-- and that lie got carried out through college and into my adult life. I attended a rigorously academic private school, and even there, anyone who even had rumors about their sexuality became socially stigmatized to near ostracism. By the time I was at college, even at a much more accepting place, I had internalized so much of that fear and self-loathing that I just kept it up. And the rest... well, read the blog.

I know I'm not the most prolific writer out there, but I do hope that this is getting read by people out there that are in the same boat, and are looking for positive examples for people living a normal, actualized life and living without fear. Whether you're in high school, college, or even if you're like I was- a desperately unhappy 28-year old who was trying to figure out how to undo a lifetime of second-guessing, I hope that I am living proof that it does get better.
So after all that, here are my updates. Despite my proclamation of not attending straight weddings in California, I'm still attending a crazy number of weddings in California (photobooth from the most recent one pictured here). Sigh. I make up for compromising my personal politics by eating a lot of tasty hors d'œuvres.

My parents have come around really well- in fact, as I am typing this, they are sleeping in the guest room at Chris and my apartment. They're visiting for the weekend, and it's actually been really great with them. I have also heard through the grapevine that they're much more comfortable telling their old friends about me. And hey, if 60 year old Chinese immigrant parents can proudly tell their friends their son is gay... it's got to be getting better, right?