Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The coming out list

So the coming out priority list has kind of been forming in my head, so I'll start putting them down. I have noticed a lot of bloggers keep it pretty anonymous, so I'll try to keep it that way for now too.

I guess when I visualize my coming out experiences to the other ones I've read about on blogs, the differences arise because like I keep saying, I'm kind of old for this shit.

The obvious benefits are that I no longer live on a gossipy high school or college campus, and my friends are all mature, so I have less fear of this news spreading like wildfire and people gossiping about me; even if they do, fuck it. I live alone, and don't have to see people if they're assholes about it.

The downsides are that in the 10 extra years, my friend network is incredibly disparate, and friends that I made in the city have scattered to all corners of the globe. I don't really see a ton of friends in large group settings outside of birthday parties anymore, and even if I did, I doubt that's the best way to do things.

So right now my list is something like this:

My Sister
So I think I will be coming out to my Sister first, despite the international distance. I'll either have to do it on the phone or via a scheduled video chat, which we do regularly. Sometimes she's able to get on at home, but usually she is at a public internet cafe which is just not gonna work. Bleh.

Guy Friend #1
So probably my closest friend growing up in California is visiting this weekend. I just feel like it's time to tell him.

Female Friend #1
This is my closest friend in NYC. Can you believe I had a hag before I was officially a fag? Man this coming out is so long overdue... The one awkward snag here is I'm pretty sure she's always been attracted to me, and I've always just feigned obliviousness. Oh well, maybe this will be a relief to her.

Female Friend #2
So this is a very close female friend of mine who used to live in NYC but has since moved to SF. She is high on my coming out list because at one point in NYC she did point-blank ask me why I was still single, and if I was gay (she is blunt like that), and I lied to her face. I always felt guilty about that. I just hope she doesn't gloat...

Guy Friend #2
So this is my college roommate. We're still tight, but he is slightly homophobic (for example, he's probably the only person my age who still uses "gay" as a pejorative). This one won't be fun.

Guy Friend #3
Bleh this is already getting confusing. Maybe I'll make up aliases for these people...

This is the guy mentioned before that I used to jerk off with in 9th grade. He came out in college, so obviously I think he'll be accepting of the whole thing, and probably has some tips. He lives in Europe now, though, so I dunno how this is gonna work out.

Friend Couple #1
So after college I lived with a guy from college; we were just good friends from taking the same classes and all, and we lived in a 2BR for a while. Now he's been dating a girl for about a year, and we all hang out a lot.

Friend Couple #2
The other couple is the one I hang out with in my neighborhood because they live super close, and they also like to go have nice food out pretty often. They're getting married later this year though, so even scheduling a dinner with them will be tough.

My Parents
So my parents are visiting the city in 3 weeks I think. I'm hoping to have everyone above this line by then.

Is this too aggressive? Not aggressive enough? Too thought out? I figure after there's a certain critical mass of people, the gossip network will do the rest for me. I just want to make sure that key people in my life hear it from me instead of a rumor mill.

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