Well Poker Face is coming over in about 2 hours and I am waiting for my iPhone software to download and I'm going to go for a quick run before he gets here, but I thought I'd lay out my points from before into a planned script for tonight. It's not that I want to give a canned speech, but I know I'm going to get nervous when he gets here and there are some key points that I don't want to miss so here goes. Also some of these
"Hey- before we go to dinner, there's something I wanted to talk about. I have something on my mind and I kind of need to get it off my chest, so just hear me out here.
So, I don't know if you realized this, but during dinner on Sunday with your co-workers you were telling this story and you called me your boyfriend. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not like totally against that, it just kind of startled me because we've never really talked about that, so it was kind of a shock. To be honest, it wasn't just that, it was also all the talks about rafting trips and what our plans were for pride and 4th of July and stuff. I just felt like suddenly everything is moving faster than I thought and I don't know if I'm ready for it. So the thing is, I really like you, but I just came out 4 months ago really, and I'm turning 30 at the end of this year. This probably sounds selfish, but the thing is, this is my only chance to be a young, single gay man, and I had my own plans for this summer that I was looking forward to.
I really like you, and I thought this was going really good, just keeping it casual and going slow, but I know that probably wasn't really fair to you- and instead of having a mature conversation with you about our relationship, I just kind of let it go on without talking about it. I thought about it after Sunday and having a boyfriend does sound really great and it's something I want eventually, but I just know that right now I don't have the maturity for that, and I can't rush that. I am still at the phase where I want to be able to go out with my friends to a club, and flirt with the bartender or a cute guy if I want, and not feel guilty about that. I know that makes me sound like I want it all, but that's really all I'm capable of right now.
I totally get it if this is not what you want or if you think I led you on. I mean, you came out 8 years ago, and probably went through all this a long time ago and you're in a really different space than me. If you're not totally disgusted by me, I still want to date you- and after the summer or so, maybe we could reevaluate things and see where we are.
So, that's it, I just had to let you know where I am, emotionally and stuff.
[Q&A period goes here]
[If he still wants to have dinner with me, then that goes here]
[If that goes, well, more sex]."
And that's where my my mind goes of course. I wonder if he's seen that doctor yet...