First Relationship Insanity...

So in a lot of ways my relationship with Chris is my first one ever. Everything's going really good, but there are still some things that I'm a total noob about and I am just dealing with as they come up. So, post warning: this is where I use my blog as a platform to blurt out all the weird neurotic things that have been bouncing around in my head the past month or so.

First of all, I had a billion friends over these past two weeks now that the weather in NYC is getting good. My tiny studio apartment basically became a hostel for anyone I went to elementary school with. The last weekend I had 3 other dudes sleeping in my apartment, and not in the way that would normally get me complimentary blog comments. Still, I managed to hang out with Chris here and there, but not as much and not as 1-on-1 as the previous two weekends, and it was pretty good. My friends all love him, which is nice.

But here are all the things that are lurking in my mind, basically because I'm a 29 year old in the first real, honest relationship I've ever been in, and that is supposed to happen when you're 17.

• I'm trying to find a good balance between hanging out a lot, and monopolizing his time. He works really late, and I sometimes get pouty when he doesn't come over and I feel really needy at times like that and I hope I do a good job of keeping that to myself. He cancelled on Monday drinks with me and a lot of my friends because of work stuff, which I was kinda bummed about because a ton of my friends were there and wanted to meet him... but he had hung out with me and other friends like, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights, and the Monday thing was pretty last minute, so I really don't blame him for it. I just don't really know what to do with that vaguely disappointed feeling I got there.
• To make up for it, on Wednesday, which was the last night one of my guests was in town, he picked up the check at our "going away" dinner for her, which was us two, my guest, and our mutual friend. This was at The Standard Grill in the meatpacking district, which isn't like SUPER expensive, but it definitely isn't cheap. I was kind of stunned awkward at the gesture, and I think I made some sort of awkward joke to my friends about working it off in trade later that night. It was incredibly sweet, but again I'm retarded with that kind of thing. Still, not as awkward as I'm making it sound, and I've definitely picked up the tab sometimes when it was just the two of us but still. It was very sweet and I'm overanalyzing it I know.
• So I actually bought these two t-shirts for the The Big Gay Ice Cream Truck which is awesome, and if you wear the shirts you get a discount or something, and I couldn't decide whether to get the truck or the cone (as my friend put it, one implies "lick me", one implies "ride me"), and they're both cute so I just bought both on a whim and figured I'd give one to Chris (we're the same size). Then after I got them it struck me that I had not only just bought him a gift, but that they were MATCHING shirts, and so because I'm a freak they have been sitting on my shelf in the fedex envelope I got them in. Last time Chris was here he even asked curiously what was in the envelope and I think I said it was a gift for my nephew. I'm weird, I know...
• Unrelated to him, I think it's the first article of clothing I've bought that declares my homosexuality. I mean, I own pink t-shirts, tight jeans, and a white belt, so it's not like I'm trying to dress straight, but it just struck me that this is the most out item I own. Shirt's pretty awesome though, right?
• The PDA thing- I think the first time we met up with Chris's friends on the street one time and they kissed hello and I kind of balked at kissing Chris in public I felt a little weird. I know it is paranoid, especially in Chelsea, but you never know who's looking and judging and I know that sounds retarded. I've definitely gotten more comfortable with it- after Pride especially. Last weekend when we were out with all my friends at a straight bar (The Bowery Electric, though, so not a totally straight bar I guess) I kissed him on the dance floor... and then I did the "Womanizer" dance on him... there were a lot of tequila shots involved. I do worry I'm a little too makeout-y now heh (not cause of the gay thing, but just cause of the general couple thing... I always feel my straight couple friends are very cool about not making out in front of others in a big crowd and I should do the same?).

Well... I guess that was a big ball of crazy. I mean, if that's all I have to complain about here on my blog I guess things are going pretty good. I'm helping Chris move apartments tomorrow (his old landlord was a dick trying to raise his rent in this economy), and I'm meeting him for pizza tonight and helping him pack. Still training for the half-marathon-- although missing 2 long runs cause of tourist visitors these past two weeks and probably missing one this weekend cause of Chris moving has made me consider dropping it.

Have a good weekend everyone!