Chinese New Year Resolutions!

Belated Gong Hay Fat Choy everyone!

I'm taking on a lot of late resolutions this year, so I'm just pretending they line up with the lunar new year so I don't seem lazy :P

So I have been a casual social smoker since college, and I've found quitting to be pretty hard in the past, but I haven't had a smoke in like a month, and I've been more upfront with friends and co-workers to tell them I'm quitting and not to offer me any or even ask me to go downstairs or anything. It's progress.

As part of that general idea, I've also tried to change up my workout plan. I was really good for a while about going to yoga and some of my gym classes, but once the weather got really bad I got pretty bad at it. After the blizzard at the end of December here, I probably didn't go to the gym for 3 weeks, and in the past few weeks I've gone maybe once a week, which isn't really enough to stay in shape (and justify the pricey new york gym membership prices).



I thought I'd try something totally different. I recently bought an Xbox 360 with the kinect camera accessory for the dancing game, and cause I eventually want to get the new Rock Band, and I found they have a few different fitness games too. I went with Your Shape: Fitness Evolved, but there are a few other nearly identical fitness titles. The idea is it tracks your movement with the camera and gives you workouts and critiques your form. It's kind of like P90X or Insanity, but with a little more feedback and some positive incentives in the form of video game achievements and points. It's actually pretty fun! I just got it on Friday, and I've done a little exercising every day since I got it. I'm gonna be tracking my progress, so hopefully I'll have something measurable in a month or so.

I think that I was in the best shape right after I came out- partly because I was dating a lot then and really body-conscious, and also because I loved going to the gay gym in Chelsea and checking out the hot guys. So, I've definitely lost that definition, and I'd love to get back to just being a little more active. Hopefully by basing my workouts at home, I'll be able to keep up my activity levels during these freezing winter months, at least until the weather is nice enough to run and bike outside again.

Chinese Mothers, Aiyyaa

I keep re-reading this Wall Street Journal entitled "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior" desperately searching for some trace of irony, but I can't seem to find it. The author brags about how she has raised her daughters in the Chinese tradition, and feels no qualms about calling her daughter "garbage" to her face, or saying (this is a direct quote!) "Hey fatty—lose some weight." She even apparently crows about her parenting style at dinner parties, which sounds super fun.
She gives a laundry list of the actions her children were prohibited from, which includes:

• attend a sleepover
• have a playdate
• be in a school play
• watch TV or play computer games
• choose their own extracurricular activities
• get any grade less than an A
• ...

I can't help but think that my mother had a very similar list, which also included

• kiss members of the same sex

I don't think that it's any coincidence that there are legions of formerly painfully closeted Asian bloggers out there, and that it took me until I was almost 30 before I had the self-confidence and courage to come out to myself and others. I'm not blaming my parents for my own agency, but this article strikes a little close to home for me.

What a difference a day makes

The view from my balcony on Sunday:


The view from my balcony on Monday:


Ok, I know I'm the worst blogger in the world, because I haven't been, um, blogging. I wish I could say I've been too busy, but with all the national coverage this snowstorm in nyc has been getting you'd probably figure out that's not true. I've been holed up in my apartment for 3 days, working from home. I only left to drop off drycleaning, which was only across the street, and even that took about 10 minutes just to cross the crazy mountains of snow outside.

So things have been good. My parents included Chris on our family's Christmas card, which was unexpected to say the least. I didn't get to go home for the holidays because I was working, and flights were crazy expensive (and it's just as well that I didn't because I'd probably be stuck in a layover in Denver right now). I did get to skype with them, but it wasn't quite the same- I think I'll try to go back and visit early next year.

Chris and I have been cooking a ton. Mostly cold weather stuff.

He gave me a better Christmas gift than I gave him. Argh.

The thing is, with gay couples that live together, I'm pretty sure that both people get the same amount of use out of any gift item. Example, last year I gave him a North Face jacket that I wear all the time too. He got me a cast iron dutch oven that we both use to cook (and is amazing, for anyone who is debating getting one).

Sorry this post is so late and so boring. I'm really thinking of changing up this blog, maybe freezing this one and moving to tumblr or some new format just to change it up a little... I really loved this format, but I don't feel like I'm in the same place that I was 2 years ago when I started it, and maybe it's time for something completely different...

California Gurls

WeHo

On my last trip to california, I got to hang out in LA for a few days, and I met up with prolific gay asian blogger letopho! We took two pics together, and though I thought the one above looked better, I'm including the second one:

because you can see the gogo boy's crack, and it looks like there's some strange going down in the photobooth.

Weddings

I also met up with a friend who moved from NY to LA with his bf of 10 years, and they are one of those couples just waiting for gay marriage to be legalized in California now. For their sake I hope it's soon. We ended up talking a lot about gay marriage conventions, which were all new to me since I have never been to one. Topics were things like:

• He said both grooms are supposed to wear white? That sounds awful.
• I asked, who do you dance with? Your mom or your dad?
• Do you have groomsmen or bridesmaids or both?

Obviously the answer is "whatever you want", but it's fun to talk about.

Neither of us had been to a gay wedding, but our friend had been to a lesbian wedding and said they retained most of the traditional elements, except for things like a bouquet toss.

Also, on a somewhat related note, a female friend of mine has asked me to be a "bridesman" at a wedding next year. Is that a thing? Oh well I'll let you know how that goes.

Ghey

So one thing that kind of shocked me in California, and maybe this is just a weird sampling, but I heard 3 grown adults, completely educated, and otherwise non-homophobic people say "That's gay" in conversation. I really can't remember the last time that I heard anyone over college-age in NYC say that. Is that actually ok to say in California, or maybe are people in NY just better at censoring themselves around me?

In one case, a girl said it, and immediately corrected herself awkwardly, unfortunately with "I mean, retarded". /facepalm.

In another case, my friend's ex said it, and she immediately challenged him on it (which I'm glad she did, because it would have been awkward if I had done it, as I barely knew him and he was giving us rides all over town), and he got a little defensive about it.

I'm not super-soapboxy about it, but I more surprised to hear it at all, more than anything else.

It's Getting Better All The Time

You have to be living under a rock to not have heard about one of the many recent tragic gay suicides that have been in the news so often lately. The story is so templatized by now that it is really scary- high school or college boy gets bullied to the point of suicide. Dan Savage has encouraged people to record video messages to these youths- in his "It Gets Better" project. But damn it, Jim, I'm a blogger, not a videographer.

Anyone reading this blog has probably experienced gay bullying of some kind. In my case, it was one of the forces that probably kept me in the closet so long; I dated girls in High School because it was the easiest way to dodge accusations-- and that lie got carried out through college and into my adult life. I attended a rigorously academic private school, and even there, anyone who even had rumors about their sexuality became socially stigmatized to near ostracism. By the time I was at college, even at a much more accepting place, I had internalized so much of that fear and self-loathing that I just kept it up. And the rest... well, read the blog.

I know I'm not the most prolific writer out there, but I do hope that this is getting read by people out there that are in the same boat, and are looking for positive examples for people living a normal, actualized life and living without fear. Whether you're in high school, college, or even if you're like I was- a desperately unhappy 28-year old who was trying to figure out how to undo a lifetime of second-guessing, I hope that I am living proof that it does get better.
So after all that, here are my updates. Despite my proclamation of not attending straight weddings in California, I'm still attending a crazy number of weddings in California (photobooth from the most recent one pictured here). Sigh. I make up for compromising my personal politics by eating a lot of tasty hors d'œuvres.

My parents have come around really well- in fact, as I am typing this, they are sleeping in the guest room at Chris and my apartment. They're visiting for the weekend, and it's actually been really great with them. I have also heard through the grapevine that they're much more comfortable telling their old friends about me. And hey, if 60 year old Chinese immigrant parents can proudly tell their friends their son is gay... it's got to be getting better, right?

Coast to Coast

Haven't posted in a while, just thought I'd drop a note. Just been crazy busy this summer. For all my bravado earlier, I wasn't able to say no to any of the straight weddings I've been invited to, so as a result I'm on my 3rd cali trip this year, with 2 more to go! It's fun, but getting expensive and exhausting! Thank god for in-flight wi-fi.

I haven't taken Chris to any of the family weddings yet, even though he was invited, just because I'm not sure if it's the right time. He's met all my cousins and some of my aunts and uncle's individually, but something about introducing him to the big collective all at once does seem a little daunting. I don't even think this is a gay thing anymore, I think I'm just in long term relationship waters I've never really been in before, and I think probably everyone deals with this. Not in a big rush though, I figure I'll introduce him to the big family when it feels right.

Yesterday at the wedding reception at a big table with my cousins, the inevitable topic of "so, who's next?" came up. A lot of people looked at me suggestively and my cousin asked if that was in our future, but I just shoved more cake in my mouth. Not ready for that one yet. And cake is really good.

New Hood, New Gym

New Hood!

So when Chris and I moved in together, we actually moved into a new neighborhood. I'm now in the East Village. That means that pretty much everything about this blog is outdated now. I'm no longer in Chelsea; I don't feel like such a noob anymore; I'm out; and I'm already 30. I guess I should update the sidebar at some point but I'm lazy.

New Gym!

So I recently joined a new gym too, David Barton. For those of you who don't know David Barton, they have clients like Anderson Cooper and ads like this:
Did I mention their motto is "Look Good Naked"?

Basically they blatantly cater to the gay clientele. These are the only yoga classes you'll ever see that are 12 guys and 1 girl. It's pretty hilarious. But the gym is really nice, and the yoga instructors and most of the gym bunnies are nice eye candy. I know it's shallow, but I like going to gyms with pretty men in them. For one thing, you get motivated when you see someone with really nice arms or something, and also it gives you something to look at so you don't get bored.
So I've been trying to go to yoga twice a week, and also some of the group fitness classes. These are kind of like indoor boot camp classes. I did one a few weeks ago called "Guns" that was just really intense interval training with dumbell arm workouts. This past weekend I did one called "Rope Burn" that was a jumprope class with interval workouts; that one kicked my ass. It still hurts to go down stairs. I still made it to my yoga class, but it was pain.

I feel like i'm making huge progress though! Maybe its the lighting in the yoga studio, but my arms look huge doing some of the poses. I'm also SOOO close to being able to do a forearm stand. I really think I'm gonna get it within the next two weeks if I can stick with it.

The goal of course, is to go back to the nude beach looking my best. "Look Good Naked" indeed.