Post-date report

So the date went really well! Maybe too well, lol. We'll see.

So we went and saw the movie last night- first things first, the Wolverine movie really sucked (major waste of hot actors). Still, it was just a pretext to go out with this guy and get dinner so for that reason, it's the best movie ever! After the movie, we got some thai food, and again, he just was super nice and cute. The other thing is I found even more things we have in common, like we play the same video games, and it was a little weird almost- like I don't want to date a carbon copy of myself, but at the same time it was also cool to just have so much in common with another guy.

Dinner was really good too, and during the meal we were talking about all these other places (he was suggesting places in Brooklyn and I was suggesting places in Manhattan), and at one point it was weird cause it kind of seemed like we were both shopping places for future dates. Maybe I was reading too much into it, heh. He paid for dinner cause I got the movie tickets, and I protested a bit cause dinner was so much more than the movie, so I said I'd buy drinks at the bar.

So we were in Chelsea, so I joked "I'm sure there's gotta be a place around here where two guys can grab a beer"-- god I'm a cheesy dork on dates. We ended up at G Lounge (I know I know, I go there too often)-

OK wait, I just realized I don't think I ever mentioned one important thing about this guy. So by some strange twist, this guy is actually the first guy I ever kissed. I know it doesn't make sense. I actually mentioned him once in passing already. Basically, the same friend who we met through last week had a party about 3 years ago, and there was a spin the bottle game in which straight girls and guys had already kissed, so when it was my turn to spin the bottle, I got this guy (who was already out), and I had to go through with it and kiss him and pretend I didn't like it and heh. It's cool, we've talked about it since then, and it was one of the icebreakers for us when we first started talking again last week or so.

OK so back to the date- we're at G having a good time drinking beers and sitting on a couch talking, and I'm kind of giddy and feeling a little silly so I chug my beer really fast and he gives me a strange look, and I give him a "hold on" sign. When I'm done with my beer I set the bottle down on the table on it's side, pointing at him, and I kind of smirk and ask him if it brings back any memories (I told you I'm a total cheeseball). He smiles and says "do you want me to kiss you"? So we end up making out at G lounge and it is really hot. I think we both have just been looking forward to this for too long. Then the moment of truth comes, and he asks me if we should go somewhere more private. Of course I am thinking of all your guys' advice but I just decided to live in the moment and I invited him back to my place (I made it pretty clear that I didn't want to go "all the way" though-- geez why do I use the euphemisms of a high school girl?). We make out on my bed for a while and it's pretty good and we end up sucking each other off and it is just really hot. Afterwards we cuddled for like an hour. I was kind of disappointed that he couldn't spend the night but he has work tomorrow, and admittedly, he does live kind of far from me so his morning commute would have been a nightmare.

So, that's pretty much it. I wasn't as chaste as I had hoped, but I had a really good time on my first date, and we have tentative plans to go out again on Thursday. I thought a little more about the waiting, and I rationalized hooking up on our first date by the fact that we've met up a few times in group settings that were... date-like, and it has been built up for both of us so much that it would have just been really frustrating to not hook up, but I kind of understand the waiting thing too now. I kind of would like to have him accept a second date without expecting a hookup, so I know he's really into me, but to be honest, after the first 3 hours of the date and the other times, I'm pretty confident that he is. Also, it's not like I gave away everything... that's for next weekend lol. Short story is I had fun and I'm looking forward to seeing him again.

Date night!

So he called me and we talked for a while yesterday just really quick to figure out the details for the movie tonight, and dinner afterwards. I wish we could have talked more but I have friends who I was meeting for brunch, so I had to go. Still, I think tonight will be really fun.

And as per the advice on the last post, I don't think I'm going to take him home... but if that's the case, why have I spent the last hour cleaning my apartment...

Blush

So I went to my friend's party tonight and the guy was there, and at first we didn't get to talk much cause there were so many people around, but once it thinned out I got to sit next to him and we talked a lot and it was really cool.

He's a computer geek, like me, and we like the same stuff like comic books and sci-fi, and everything, but most importantly, he is SUPER sweet. Like the sweetest guy I've ever met. First of all, there were two other people named "Will" at the party, and I like to joke about how I I like to be the only "Will", and he said "don't worry, you're the only Will I want to talk to tonight". When he said it, I was just kind of speechless, and so I just kind of smiled and toasted him with my beer.

We made tentative plans to see a movie or something on Sunday and I gave him my number. I am gonna try hard not to be too slutty, but we'll see heh.

I really like him :D. OK now I feel like a 15 year old girl writing in her diary so I should go to bed now.

Turn your head and cough... it's time for sex history.

So PlanetX asked me asked me about my past gay experiences, and the answer is almost none.

Guys
So I mean, as far back as I can remember, I was always more interested in looking at naked guys than naked girls. As a computer saavy kid, it was easy to find sites catering to gay men, and I was fascinated with every aspect. I would spend hours reading gay stories from newsgroups (some very good and some very, very bad).

I guess the one homosexual experience I had growing up was this one time I brought playboys to a friends house when I was sleeping over, and we jerked off together. I'd never seen another guy's dick in real life. At one point, he turned to me and asked if we should try giving each other blow jobs, and I was kind of stunned. First of all, the guy was one of my really good friends growing up, and second, I knew I wasn't attracted to him. So I just played it cool and told him I didn't wanna try it, and we just jerked off. The funny thing is, that guy came out in college, and though he had a pretty dramatic disowning by his really religious parents, they've since patched things up and he's doing really well.

Beyond that, I just tried to keep my head low. I had a few crushes on guys in high school, but I never really let myself pursue them, as I was terrified of being discovered. Which brings us to the:

Girls
I suppose the reason this whole thing went on for so long, is that I guess on the Kinsey scale, I'm not a full 6. I'm probably something like a 5, and it took me from the age of 16 to about 26 to realize that 5 was not close enough to 3 for me to be able to sustain it. I basically kept finding myself in situations where aggressive girls hit on me and I didn't have the guts or the decency to turn them down.

I had a steady girlfriend in High School, she basically asked me out a few weeks after I transfered to the new school, and we dated, but we never went further than oral sex. So yes, I ate pussy, and no, it's not that bad. The thing is, the entire time we dated, I made a conscious effort to stop the gay stuff. I deleted all my computer porn and scrubbed the hidden bookmarks file I had with all my gay interest sites. Other than a few moments of weakness, I tried to be a good straight boyfriend. We split up because in the end we just weren't that into each other, for various reasons.

My first sexual relationship with a girl was Freshman year of college, where we met outside a frat party and she complimented my shirt. Like I said, I had trouble turning down aggressive women, particularly in front of friends, so I ended up hooking up with her that night. We fooled around for a few months, and all I remember mostly is that she gave the fucking worst hand jobs in the world. Eventually we progressed to full intercourse, and the whole time I had to think about male torsos I'd seen on the internet to stay hard. We fucked a few more times, and it eventually came out from a mutual friend that she was still seeing her ex-boyfriend back at home; it was almost a relief to have an acceptable reason to dump her.

So for the rest of college and a few years after, I dated girls, but never let it get serious enough to get physical beyond making out and some fooling around. My second sexual experience came when I was actually out of the country for work in Canada. I was put up in a hotel for a week, and somewhere between boredom and loneliness I got picked up at a bar near my hotel and we went back to her place. Of all my sex experiences with girls, this was probably the easiest for me, as there was no pressure if I couldn't perform; I'd never see this girl again. So it wasn't terrible, but again the whole time I had to think of dicks.

The thing about New York is that after a certain time, the fact that I was a reasonably attractive, professionally successful single man with nice shoes did not go unnoticed by my single female friends, and female friends of my coupled friends who were desperate to match everyone up. It really got to the point where I would see a friend of a friend maybe making eyes at me, and I would think to myself "Oh god, am I going to have to fuck her?" I got set up on dates with some really attractive, successful, and great women, and I had to find a way to end dates early without triggering the suspicions of my friends. In retrospect, it is probably one of the meaner things I've done.

My last sexual experience was on my birthday three years ago, when a friend of a friend was in town and came to my party. Pretty much everyone I knew was there, so when this cute girl asked me to dance, I couldn't say no. Eventually we ended up at my place, and between the booze and my complete lack of sexual interest in her at this point, I wasn't even able to stay hard. It was basically a disaster, and my only saving grace is she was too nice to tell our mutual friend about it.

Celibacy
So the last few years I've just avoided emotional and sexual contact at all pretty much. I used the aforementioned tactics to dodge set-ups, all the while denying my homosexuality to the one or two people that asked me about it. I was still consuming gay porn from the internet at a voracious rate, and I was too terrified to list my picture on a profile for gay dating for fear of being discovered. At one point I found myself responding to a craigslist ad for anonymous sex with a guy who was cheating on his girlfriend. When I think back on it now, it was probably one of the most ridiculous and dangerous things I can think of- I gave this complete stranger my address and waited for him to come over. He actually never showed up but I really think it was for the best.

I wonder if I had allowed myself to go down the other path, if I'd have ended up eventually an old Republican Senator, tapping on bathroom stalls. Hey, they gotta start somewhere.

* Oh, I almost forgot, but I have kissed exactly 2 guys in my life. The first was four years ago at a spin the bottle party in Brooklyn. The second was a random guy in Austria.