Ancient History

The Ex!
So I had a weird conversation with my boyfriend last week after we both got back from our vacations. We had just got back from our vacations and were at our own apartments catching up on TV and blogs and whatnot while talking on the phone. As a joke, I said "did you catch up on your porn?" And he kinda laughed, and then he made the strangest comment. Basically, he said he was browsing one of porn roundup blogs and SAW HIS EX.

Now me, I act like Joe super-cool, and I laugh at that and ask some simple "Really? weird" type questions, but I'm SOOO CURIOUS!

Basically, from other conversations, what I've been able to piece together is:
1) It's a solo thing
2) The guy has a HUGE dick
3) They went out about 7 years ago, so this guy can't be that young
4) He's sure it's him because the guy has a distinctive tattoo.
5) They would have gone out in Virginia, so this guy might be from the south.

I know it's not a lot to go on, but based on the time frame I think it might be this guy... but eh, I think he'd be too young. Eh, still not sure. Maybe this guy? but he's not really solo.

Adding to the list
So this is the creepiest thing I've ever posted, but after seeing New Moon (I KNOW), I would totally add Taylor Lautner to my list except he's JAILBAIT. Gross right?

Nothing has made me feel older than Taylor Lautner. Not even the fact that I'm turning thirty, NEXT SUNDAY ><.

Who's on your list?

So other than the wedding, I spent most of my time in India traveling with my old roommate and his girlfriend of two years. We somehow got on the subject of movies that were bad, and he made fun of her for liking The Proposal and I innocently chimed in that I would watch it just for the scenes with Ryan Reynolds naked. My ex-roommate paused and turned to me and said "You like him? What is it about him?"

Apparently, I had stepped in a couple-minefield of theirs, which is their "lists". I have no idea why straight couples do this, but I guess that episode of Friends where Ross and Rachel have their list of exceptionally fuckable celebrities is true in real life. So, Ryan Reynolds is on his girlfriend's list and he's jealous. Still I realized I never really think about it that often and I don't know if I have a list, but I figured I'd try to put one together. This is unordered, and completely superficial. Personality doesn't matter unless it's Christian Bale, who is too psycho to consider fucking.

• Ryan Reynolds
  
  So I know I said personalities don't matter, but in this case they kinda do. Ryan Reynolds was already pretty cute in his comedian days, and then he decided to graft his funnyman head onto a super-ripped body for some crappy action movie and blew up into superstardom and my better wet dreams.


• Jason Statham
  
  So I'm pretty sure I've already posted this exact picture here, but that's cause it's one of the hotter pictures that's ever existed ever. Jason Statham actually started out as a fashion model before moving into movies, and that's cause he's hot and built like a tank.


• Takeshi Kaneshiro
  
  So I surprised my friend's girlfriend with this one. She blurted out "I thought you weren't into Asian guys." I was like, "Uh, why would you think that?" She mumbled something lame about, "Oh, all my gay Asian friends aren't into other Asian guys." I would have been offended by her weird generalization, but this was pretty late in our trip, and I had kind of gotten used to her saying provocative things to get a reaction out of them, so I just told her I was too narcissistic to not like other Asian guys. Like I've said before, I don't know if I really dated enough to have a real type... I kinda tasted the rainbow while I was dating.
  Anyway, Takeshi Kaneshiro is sweet hotness on toast.


• Patrick Wilson
  
  I would have been on the fence about this one last year, but Watchmen sealed his geek credibility for me, so I'd totally do Patrick Wilson. He's a little bit too-all-american for my tastes, but I'll make an exception. Just this once.


• Gabriel Garcia Bernal
  
  This one comes with a bullet. There are some movies/stills where I'm not into him at all, and then there are some where he is stunning. Eh, but what am I saying, I'd do him even if he had a reverse mohawk and was covered in rat droppings.
  

So that's my list right now, but I'm probably forgetting a few. Sure there are plenty of hot celebrities out there, but the list is for people who make your breath just stop when you see them. Also, in the discussion with my friend's gf, she mentioned a lot of celebrities that I think are like "women-only". Like, I just don't think they have any gay appeal. These are like Colin Firth types. I can see how they're objectively good looking, but they just don't strike that chord there.

Shallowest post ever? Nah, check the archives.