It's Getting Better All The Time

You have to be living under a rock to not have heard about one of the many recent tragic gay suicides that have been in the news so often lately. The story is so templatized by now that it is really scary- high school or college boy gets bullied to the point of suicide. Dan Savage has encouraged people to record video messages to these youths- in his "It Gets Better" project. But damn it, Jim, I'm a blogger, not a videographer.

Anyone reading this blog has probably experienced gay bullying of some kind. In my case, it was one of the forces that probably kept me in the closet so long; I dated girls in High School because it was the easiest way to dodge accusations-- and that lie got carried out through college and into my adult life. I attended a rigorously academic private school, and even there, anyone who even had rumors about their sexuality became socially stigmatized to near ostracism. By the time I was at college, even at a much more accepting place, I had internalized so much of that fear and self-loathing that I just kept it up. And the rest... well, read the blog.

I know I'm not the most prolific writer out there, but I do hope that this is getting read by people out there that are in the same boat, and are looking for positive examples for people living a normal, actualized life and living without fear. Whether you're in high school, college, or even if you're like I was- a desperately unhappy 28-year old who was trying to figure out how to undo a lifetime of second-guessing, I hope that I am living proof that it does get better.
So after all that, here are my updates. Despite my proclamation of not attending straight weddings in California, I'm still attending a crazy number of weddings in California (photobooth from the most recent one pictured here). Sigh. I make up for compromising my personal politics by eating a lot of tasty hors d'œuvres.

My parents have come around really well- in fact, as I am typing this, they are sleeping in the guest room at Chris and my apartment. They're visiting for the weekend, and it's actually been really great with them. I have also heard through the grapevine that they're much more comfortable telling their old friends about me. And hey, if 60 year old Chinese immigrant parents can proudly tell their friends their son is gay... it's got to be getting better, right?

Coast to Coast

Haven't posted in a while, just thought I'd drop a note. Just been crazy busy this summer. For all my bravado earlier, I wasn't able to say no to any of the straight weddings I've been invited to, so as a result I'm on my 3rd cali trip this year, with 2 more to go! It's fun, but getting expensive and exhausting! Thank god for in-flight wi-fi.

I haven't taken Chris to any of the family weddings yet, even though he was invited, just because I'm not sure if it's the right time. He's met all my cousins and some of my aunts and uncle's individually, but something about introducing him to the big collective all at once does seem a little daunting. I don't even think this is a gay thing anymore, I think I'm just in long term relationship waters I've never really been in before, and I think probably everyone deals with this. Not in a big rush though, I figure I'll introduce him to the big family when it feels right.

Yesterday at the wedding reception at a big table with my cousins, the inevitable topic of "so, who's next?" came up. A lot of people looked at me suggestively and my cousin asked if that was in our future, but I just shoved more cake in my mouth. Not ready for that one yet. And cake is really good.

New Hood, New Gym

New Hood!

So when Chris and I moved in together, we actually moved into a new neighborhood. I'm now in the East Village. That means that pretty much everything about this blog is outdated now. I'm no longer in Chelsea; I don't feel like such a noob anymore; I'm out; and I'm already 30. I guess I should update the sidebar at some point but I'm lazy.

New Gym!

So I recently joined a new gym too, David Barton. For those of you who don't know David Barton, they have clients like Anderson Cooper and ads like this:
Did I mention their motto is "Look Good Naked"?

Basically they blatantly cater to the gay clientele. These are the only yoga classes you'll ever see that are 12 guys and 1 girl. It's pretty hilarious. But the gym is really nice, and the yoga instructors and most of the gym bunnies are nice eye candy. I know it's shallow, but I like going to gyms with pretty men in them. For one thing, you get motivated when you see someone with really nice arms or something, and also it gives you something to look at so you don't get bored.
So I've been trying to go to yoga twice a week, and also some of the group fitness classes. These are kind of like indoor boot camp classes. I did one a few weeks ago called "Guns" that was just really intense interval training with dumbell arm workouts. This past weekend I did one called "Rope Burn" that was a jumprope class with interval workouts; that one kicked my ass. It still hurts to go down stairs. I still made it to my yoga class, but it was pain.

I feel like i'm making huge progress though! Maybe its the lighting in the yoga studio, but my arms look huge doing some of the poses. I'm also SOOO close to being able to do a forearm stand. I really think I'm gonna get it within the next two weeks if I can stick with it.

The goal of course, is to go back to the nude beach looking my best. "Look Good Naked" indeed.

Dream Lover

So I had a dream last night that a Sean Cody model was hitting on me. Specifically, this Sean Cody Model:This is what happens when you watch a lot of porn right before bed, I guess. I remember distinctly in my dream that he wanted to make out with me, and I had to say "No, sorry, I have a boyfriend."

I woke up a bit later and was like... WAIT, that was a dream? AUGH! I tried to go back to sleep but you can never continue like that. Sad times. That could have been one for the ages.

I told Chris in the morning, and he just laughed. For the record, he clarified that dream-hookups are fine. So... Mr. Sandman, if you're reading this blog, bring me a dream Jamie again, some time soon, k?

Castro!

Hehe, at the suggestions of some friends, I checked out some bars in the Castro tonight on my last night here in SF.

I went to Q bar, which was having Ladies Night, which was appropriate because I was meeting 3 girls there, and they actually got some kind of drink special which was a good way to start the evening. We left when the cute barback took our table away, and the music got too loud to talk.

We went to Toad Hall, but it was kinda dead. Our friends chatted up the bartender who they knew and was kinda flirty with me, but it wasn't worth staying at, so we moved on.

We ended up at Badlands, where we were trying to find their friend a "Pocket Gay" (from what I can tell, this is a twink, just with a better name), and we danced the rest of the night away. Now I have to get up in 5 hours for a conference call. Ugh, now I remember why I hated being single and going out on weekdays before. I'm old.

Visiting SF!

I took this picture as I was walking through the Castro today, but honestly I haven't had a chance to go to any of the places that have been recommended to me (thanks letopho!). Between work, catching up with friends, and family functions, I've been swamped!

I have to say I do love how cruise-y SF is. You definitely get this vibe when guys are looking you over more in this city than in NY. I'm not looking, but it's still flattering :). I'd like to think it might be because I've been working out more recently (probably gonna post more on that later).

Hoping to check out some gay bars, maybe go-go bars, before I leave?

Baths!

I'm in San Fran for a week, for a wedding and then cause my brother just had another kid. So after a day of running around the park with my other nephew, my back was killing me. I decided to get a massage. I tried out this place called "Kabuki Springs" in Japantown, mostly because I was intrigued by their communal baths. I had done these in Japan, actually, but this was a little different.

Now, certain days are single-sex, and entirely clothing optional. It's not seedy like a gay bathhouse (although I would estimate that 90% or more of the people there are gay) (and... I totally have been to a seedy gay bathhouse before- story for another time), as there are attendants and a strict no-sex policy. But I do have to say that I did really kind of dig the voyeuristic aspect of the whole thing. For the most part, the guys there were actually really hot.

Oh the massage was nice too :/