In memory

Lot has happened the past few weeks so I haven't gotten to post much.

In short, my grandmother passed away about two weeks ago, and I had to go back to SF last weekend for the funeral. I don't really wanna talk about that much, so I'm not gonna, but I will just say, she was 89 and her death was not unexpected; she lived an amazing wonderful life, and I'm grateful and humbled by everything she accomplished in her life so I could have a better one.

Much love, everyone.

Posting for Post's Sake

1) This post is mostly so the embarassing sex positions post won't be up top..

2) Things with Chris are going really good. He had a party at his new place yesterday and I invited some of my friends too, although the embarassing part is I started getting Asian flush, which I normally never get, but when I do get it is all over my body and really kinda gross. Still his friends and my friends got along which is always fun.

3) We're throwing around the idea of a trip of some kind... I think it would be fun to just go back to Fire Island with him, or maybe we might just do something more casual like a day trip to a beach... I kind of hate overplanning stuff, but it's kind of inevitable at this stage huh.

4) So since I totally overshare on this blog and I kind of cling to the thin veil of security through obscurity, I was totally jostled today when I was browsing pictures on Letopho's blog and found that we have a mutual friend. It's a small world after all... Despite the fact that I have my picture and use real names on my blog, I feel like I can be super frank about a lot of stuff (sex, relationships, neuroses) that I wouldn't tell anyone I know in real life just cause it's all strangers on the internet. Still, I guess since the bubble of bloggers I read are mainly of similar background to me both ethnically and geographically, it's not that surprising after all. I'm still a little spooked though. I may start taking down some pictures ^^.

Oversharing about Positions

Ok, so a few posts back I made an offhand comment about trying to find a gay kama sutra... now I'm not trying to burn up the world here but it's just... I can't seem to do the "cowgirl", er "cowboy" position and it's frustrating me. The first time I tried it, it was just incredibly painful, and the second time I just couldn't seem to get the position right.

Like... where am I supposed to put my legs/feet? I don't think I'm doing it right.

The other positions are working fine, this is just one that is eluding me...

OK, I feel awkward now.

Steve MacIssac

Not the normal fare of this blog but a friend tipped me off to the artwork of Steve MacIssac and I thought I'd share it.

I love the strong line work, but I also like how he draws all different sorts of guys and body types, and combines strong visual storytelling techniques with minimalist dialogue, and sometimes just strong graphic layout to get a message across.

Wedding Crap

So as you may know from the premise of the blog, I'm almost 30- and 30 is the age where your friends who are legally allowed to do so start pairing off in legally binding ways.

Here are all the things on my mind due to the weddings in a list because I like lists:

1. One of my good friends from college is getting married this Saturday actually- I'm excited! My old college roommate is coming into town with his girlfriend who I haven't met yet. I already came out to him but this will be the first time we've hung out, and of course he'll get to meet Chris. I'm not bringing Chris, mostly because I RSVP'd +0 way back before I even met him, and I know how much my friend has been stressing over flowers and seating arrangements and chairs, and it's also way too early. Still, we'll hang out the night before with the other guests in town, and maybe after the wedding too.
2. Two of my other super good friends are getting married in November, and due to my newfound status, I got invited to both the bachelor and bachelorette parties! While I probably would have appreciated the strippers at the bachelorette party more, I think I'm still suffering from masculinity perception issues so I am only going to be attending the bachelor party. It will be a little weird, as it will be me and 19 straight guys down in New Orleans, tossing out beads on Bourbon Street and going to strip clubs. If I get a chance, I may check out a gay bar down there by myself (it has the oldest gay bar in the US or something) just to see what it's all about, but of course, I'm going there to hang out with my friend, and really it's more of a drinking thing, and I'm all about that anyway.
3. So the corresponding wedding for those two is in November, back in SF. Now... these are two of my super good friends here and they have met Chris like 5 times now, and totally love him. Again, I already RSVP'd for this wedding +0 before I even met Chris, but I have a feeling my friend may ask me if I'm bringing him, and I don't know what to say there... This brings up a whole new set of anxieties which mandates a SUB-LIST !
   1. The wedding is still 4 months out, and Chris and I have only been dating for 3. Isn't there some rule about how you shouldn't make plans farther out than you've been actually going out? If not, there should be.
   2. Again, this couple has been stressed out about guests and I know they've even had to cut some close friends. I can't imagine them allowing me to bring someone I just started dating in favor of a friend they've known for years.
   3. Bringing a date to a wedding is kind of a serious step, and you can piece together from past blog post how good I am with serious steps...
   4. Beyond the drama of the serious step, it's actually during THANKSGIVING WEEKEND, and it's in SAN FRANCISCO, where my brother lives, and where my parents are going to be coming for THANKSGIVING DINNER with the FAMILY. WAY TOO SOON, RIGHT?

Bah, I always make myself stress out about these things too much. Bed now.

Oversharing Again

So... just curious.

At a certain point in a long term exclusive relationship, do you stop using condoms?

First Relationship Insanity...

So in a lot of ways my relationship with Chris is my first one ever. Everything's going really good, but there are still some things that I'm a total noob about and I am just dealing with as they come up. So, post warning: this is where I use my blog as a platform to blurt out all the weird neurotic things that have been bouncing around in my head the past month or so.

First of all, I had a billion friends over these past two weeks now that the weather in NYC is getting good. My tiny studio apartment basically became a hostel for anyone I went to elementary school with. The last weekend I had 3 other dudes sleeping in my apartment, and not in the way that would normally get me complimentary blog comments. Still, I managed to hang out with Chris here and there, but not as much and not as 1-on-1 as the previous two weekends, and it was pretty good. My friends all love him, which is nice.

But here are all the things that are lurking in my mind, basically because I'm a 29 year old in the first real, honest relationship I've ever been in, and that is supposed to happen when you're 17.

• I'm trying to find a good balance between hanging out a lot, and monopolizing his time. He works really late, and I sometimes get pouty when he doesn't come over and I feel really needy at times like that and I hope I do a good job of keeping that to myself. He cancelled on Monday drinks with me and a lot of my friends because of work stuff, which I was kinda bummed about because a ton of my friends were there and wanted to meet him... but he had hung out with me and other friends like, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights, and the Monday thing was pretty last minute, so I really don't blame him for it. I just don't really know what to do with that vaguely disappointed feeling I got there.
• To make up for it, on Wednesday, which was the last night one of my guests was in town, he picked up the check at our "going away" dinner for her, which was us two, my guest, and our mutual friend. This was at The Standard Grill in the meatpacking district, which isn't like SUPER expensive, but it definitely isn't cheap. I was kind of stunned awkward at the gesture, and I think I made some sort of awkward joke to my friends about working it off in trade later that night. It was incredibly sweet, but again I'm retarded with that kind of thing. Still, not as awkward as I'm making it sound, and I've definitely picked up the tab sometimes when it was just the two of us but still. It was very sweet and I'm overanalyzing it I know.
• So I actually bought these two t-shirts for the The Big Gay Ice Cream Truck which is awesome, and if you wear the shirts you get a discount or something, and I couldn't decide whether to get the truck or the cone (as my friend put it, one implies "lick me", one implies "ride me"), and they're both cute so I just bought both on a whim and figured I'd give one to Chris (we're the same size). Then after I got them it struck me that I had not only just bought him a gift, but that they were MATCHING shirts, and so because I'm a freak they have been sitting on my shelf in the fedex envelope I got them in. Last time Chris was here he even asked curiously what was in the envelope and I think I said it was a gift for my nephew. I'm weird, I know...
• Unrelated to him, I think it's the first article of clothing I've bought that declares my homosexuality. I mean, I own pink t-shirts, tight jeans, and a white belt, so it's not like I'm trying to dress straight, but it just struck me that this is the most out item I own. Shirt's pretty awesome though, right?
• The PDA thing- I think the first time we met up with Chris's friends on the street one time and they kissed hello and I kind of balked at kissing Chris in public I felt a little weird. I know it is paranoid, especially in Chelsea, but you never know who's looking and judging and I know that sounds retarded. I've definitely gotten more comfortable with it- after Pride especially. Last weekend when we were out with all my friends at a straight bar (The Bowery Electric, though, so not a totally straight bar I guess) I kissed him on the dance floor... and then I did the "Womanizer" dance on him... there were a lot of tequila shots involved. I do worry I'm a little too makeout-y now heh (not cause of the gay thing, but just cause of the general couple thing... I always feel my straight couple friends are very cool about not making out in front of others in a big crowd and I should do the same?).

Well... I guess that was a big ball of crazy. I mean, if that's all I have to complain about here on my blog I guess things are going pretty good. I'm helping Chris move apartments tomorrow (his old landlord was a dick trying to raise his rent in this economy), and I'm meeting him for pizza tonight and helping him pack. Still training for the half-marathon-- although missing 2 long runs cause of tourist visitors these past two weeks and probably missing one this weekend cause of Chris moving has made me consider dropping it.

Have a good weekend everyone!