Vegas. Baby.

I was in Vegas all weekend for my college roommate's bachelor party! I was the only gay guy in the group, so the weekend was mostly spent going to overpriced crowded straight clubs and really cheesy strip clubs, but it was really great to hang out with my friends and we had a great time. I even bet the winning horse in the Kentucky Derby so I was up overall for the weekend!

As it turned out, I ended up staying a day longer than my other friends, so my night I was by myself I decided to check out an acrobatic/dance show (La Reve) and the gay nightlife, or what I could find of it. Really, what I would have liked to find was a sleazy gay strip club, but apparently there aren't any! A lot of people recommended Flex lounge, but it was pretty far, and I had heard its not very busy on Sundays.

I got free entry to the Closet Sundays party at the Revolution Lounge at the Mirage, so I decided to go and check out the go-go boys. I hate going to clubs by myself, I even hated it when I was single, but it was actually really fun. I met a really fabulous drag queen, whose name I'm forgetting [looked it up later, it was Lady Kimora], and I provided some financial assistance to some go-go boys in the form of dollar bills in their underwear. When I had arrived it wasn't even very crowded, so I got a great seat at a table, which was a real treat after the weekend of expensive bottle service required at all the straight clubs. As the club got more crowded two other guys sat at the same table, and after that it got less fun...

I had made polite conversation with them at first, but then when it became clear that one of them was in to me, I told him, "Sorry, I have a boyfriend," and I thought that would be the end of it. But instead, the guy got increasingly more awkward, asking me questions like "Why are you here if you have a boyfriend? Why are you drinking a beer if you aren't trying to get drunk?" All in all, the questions started like a normal conversation, but got even a little hostile toward the end. I tried to ignore him, but when he started trying to put his arm around me, I decided I'd had enough and I left the table. All told, I still had a great time at the club, and I wasn't going to let one drunk asshole ruin it.

Later on though, in my best Carrie Bradshaw impersonation, I couldn't help but wonder-- are monogamous coupled gays not invited to the party? I probably should have started my blog post with some sort of explanation for the sparse postings on my part, but a big part of it has to do with the fact that I don't feel the loneliness and closeted misery that was driving me to start the blog in the first place, or the novelty of the gay scene that motivated me to continue posting as a single gay man. I'm incredibly happy in my daily life, but I can't imagine boring someone else with the details of my regular routine. In kind of the same way, the gay social life seems so defined by the hookup culture, that I sometimes feel like I don't belong-- that I'm rude to even be wasting people's time since I'm unavailable.

Anyway, that's silly. Gay men are a community that should be more than who you're able to hook up with at that given moment. A lot of people say that coming out is the beginning of a delayed, accelerated second adolescence, and maybe because I came out so late in life, I rushed through that whole process too, but now that I'm experiencing a broader side of the gay community- the LGBT activism community, the networking group at my work, and I've begun working with gay-community charities in New York such as Green Chimneys and GMHC. As I become more involved in the gay community I am continually impressed by the power of the collective and the unity that I have come to feel from the people I have met and I'm proud to be a part of it.

P.S. I promise to post more than once every 5 months going forward so letopho can stop yelling at me about it :P.
P.P.S. Speaking of gay community and activism, I met Rosie O'Donnell at a Family Equality Council benefit! Did you know she and her partner have adopted 10 kids??

P.P.P.S. Yeah... I don't know what I was thinking with that tie.

President's Day Staycation Spa Elegance

Pamper Thyself.

Love Story

Happy V-Day my loves! More importantly, for those of you who have been reading along for the past two years (CRAZY, RIGHT?) this is the anniversary of my big coming out with most of my NY friends! We're celebrating by getting dinner and then going back to the bar where I came out to everyone over a round of tequila shots. I think we're going to commemorate the occasion by, well, doing more tequila shots!

When I look back at this blog and my life and everything that's changed in the past two years, it's been such an intense and rewarding experience, and a big part of that support came initially from this blog and the story I was able to share and get such powerful feedback on, and I wanted to thank everyone again, if I hadn't before.

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As a corollary, I read a really interesting review of this book "A Box of Darkness". Well, no way for me to spoil the plot, but it's basically it's a true story- a woman's memoirs after her husband has died and she looks into his possessions and finds gay porn, evidence of homosexual affairs spanning the entire length of their marriage.

Honestly, I don't think I could ever read this book. Part of it is that this woman's story sounds kind of sad to me. Their relationship, which clearly, if it lasted their whole lives, despite his double life, couldn't have been all bad, but it does seem that there was this one way in which she found she had never satisfied her partner. Furthermore, from the excerpt, it sounds like his closetedness drove him to alcoholism, which made him be not such a great partner in other ways as well.

The other part is that, three years ago, when coming out was not an option to me at all, this is probably the type of life I was striving for. I think that stories like this, or Larry Craig, or any of those crazy closeted Republican politicians that turn out to be lifelong closet cases, are the ones that make me take stock and realize that what I was trying to do and trying to be all those years never made sense.

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So this is a love story to myself and to anyone out there who has felt that they could never live the life they deserve. I am proud of myself and the people in my life who allowed me to love myself for who I am, and I am happier than I could ever have imagined.

Chinese New Year Resolutions!

Belated Gong Hay Fat Choy everyone!

I'm taking on a lot of late resolutions this year, so I'm just pretending they line up with the lunar new year so I don't seem lazy :P

So I have been a casual social smoker since college, and I've found quitting to be pretty hard in the past, but I haven't had a smoke in like a month, and I've been more upfront with friends and co-workers to tell them I'm quitting and not to offer me any or even ask me to go downstairs or anything. It's progress.

As part of that general idea, I've also tried to change up my workout plan. I was really good for a while about going to yoga and some of my gym classes, but once the weather got really bad I got pretty bad at it. After the blizzard at the end of December here, I probably didn't go to the gym for 3 weeks, and in the past few weeks I've gone maybe once a week, which isn't really enough to stay in shape (and justify the pricey new york gym membership prices).



I thought I'd try something totally different. I recently bought an Xbox 360 with the kinect camera accessory for the dancing game, and cause I eventually want to get the new Rock Band, and I found they have a few different fitness games too. I went with Your Shape: Fitness Evolved, but there are a few other nearly identical fitness titles. The idea is it tracks your movement with the camera and gives you workouts and critiques your form. It's kind of like P90X or Insanity, but with a little more feedback and some positive incentives in the form of video game achievements and points. It's actually pretty fun! I just got it on Friday, and I've done a little exercising every day since I got it. I'm gonna be tracking my progress, so hopefully I'll have something measurable in a month or so.

I think that I was in the best shape right after I came out- partly because I was dating a lot then and really body-conscious, and also because I loved going to the gay gym in Chelsea and checking out the hot guys. So, I've definitely lost that definition, and I'd love to get back to just being a little more active. Hopefully by basing my workouts at home, I'll be able to keep up my activity levels during these freezing winter months, at least until the weather is nice enough to run and bike outside again.

Chinese Mothers, Aiyyaa

I keep re-reading this Wall Street Journal entitled "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior" desperately searching for some trace of irony, but I can't seem to find it. The author brags about how she has raised her daughters in the Chinese tradition, and feels no qualms about calling her daughter "garbage" to her face, or saying (this is a direct quote!) "Hey fatty—lose some weight." She even apparently crows about her parenting style at dinner parties, which sounds super fun.
She gives a laundry list of the actions her children were prohibited from, which includes:

• attend a sleepover
• have a playdate
• be in a school play
• watch TV or play computer games
• choose their own extracurricular activities
• get any grade less than an A
• ...

I can't help but think that my mother had a very similar list, which also included

• kiss members of the same sex

I don't think that it's any coincidence that there are legions of formerly painfully closeted Asian bloggers out there, and that it took me until I was almost 30 before I had the self-confidence and courage to come out to myself and others. I'm not blaming my parents for my own agency, but this article strikes a little close to home for me.

What a difference a day makes

The view from my balcony on Sunday:


The view from my balcony on Monday:


Ok, I know I'm the worst blogger in the world, because I haven't been, um, blogging. I wish I could say I've been too busy, but with all the national coverage this snowstorm in nyc has been getting you'd probably figure out that's not true. I've been holed up in my apartment for 3 days, working from home. I only left to drop off drycleaning, which was only across the street, and even that took about 10 minutes just to cross the crazy mountains of snow outside.

So things have been good. My parents included Chris on our family's Christmas card, which was unexpected to say the least. I didn't get to go home for the holidays because I was working, and flights were crazy expensive (and it's just as well that I didn't because I'd probably be stuck in a layover in Denver right now). I did get to skype with them, but it wasn't quite the same- I think I'll try to go back and visit early next year.

Chris and I have been cooking a ton. Mostly cold weather stuff.

He gave me a better Christmas gift than I gave him. Argh.

The thing is, with gay couples that live together, I'm pretty sure that both people get the same amount of use out of any gift item. Example, last year I gave him a North Face jacket that I wear all the time too. He got me a cast iron dutch oven that we both use to cook (and is amazing, for anyone who is debating getting one).

Sorry this post is so late and so boring. I'm really thinking of changing up this blog, maybe freezing this one and moving to tumblr or some new format just to change it up a little... I really loved this format, but I don't feel like I'm in the same place that I was 2 years ago when I started it, and maybe it's time for something completely different...

California Gurls

WeHo

On my last trip to california, I got to hang out in LA for a few days, and I met up with prolific gay asian blogger letopho! We took two pics together, and though I thought the one above looked better, I'm including the second one:

because you can see the gogo boy's crack, and it looks like there's some strange going down in the photobooth.

Weddings

I also met up with a friend who moved from NY to LA with his bf of 10 years, and they are one of those couples just waiting for gay marriage to be legalized in California now. For their sake I hope it's soon. We ended up talking a lot about gay marriage conventions, which were all new to me since I have never been to one. Topics were things like:

• He said both grooms are supposed to wear white? That sounds awful.
• I asked, who do you dance with? Your mom or your dad?
• Do you have groomsmen or bridesmaids or both?

Obviously the answer is "whatever you want", but it's fun to talk about.

Neither of us had been to a gay wedding, but our friend had been to a lesbian wedding and said they retained most of the traditional elements, except for things like a bouquet toss.

Also, on a somewhat related note, a female friend of mine has asked me to be a "bridesman" at a wedding next year. Is that a thing? Oh well I'll let you know how that goes.

Ghey

So one thing that kind of shocked me in California, and maybe this is just a weird sampling, but I heard 3 grown adults, completely educated, and otherwise non-homophobic people say "That's gay" in conversation. I really can't remember the last time that I heard anyone over college-age in NYC say that. Is that actually ok to say in California, or maybe are people in NY just better at censoring themselves around me?

In one case, a girl said it, and immediately corrected herself awkwardly, unfortunately with "I mean, retarded". /facepalm.

In another case, my friend's ex said it, and she immediately challenged him on it (which I'm glad she did, because it would have been awkward if I had done it, as I barely knew him and he was giving us rides all over town), and he got a little defensive about it.

I'm not super-soapboxy about it, but I more surprised to hear it at all, more than anything else.